There is no single table, but there is an order. Between 8 and 10 the phone works as a household object: you set it up, it gets used in plain sight and it does not go into the bedroom. Between 11 and 12 the class group chats appear, and with them the rules about what gets installed and what gets shared. Between 13 and 15 supervision is announced instead of carried out quietly, and your child earns decisions as they show judgment. The rule that survives all three stages is where the phone spends the night.
The question usually arrives with an age attached: phone rules for a 12-year-old. At 12 two things overlap: most children already have a phone of their own, and they are still below the minimum age of 13 that the most used social apps ask for. This guide sorts the rules into three stages — 8 to 10, 11 to 12, and 13 to 15: where the phone charges at night, which apps fit, what to agree on about passwords, what to do about group chats and how much independence they gain along the way. The stages organize the conversation; they are not a standard: every child reaches each thing at their own pace. How many hours a day is the subject of the screen time guide.
An identical regime at 9 and at 15 fails at both ends. At 9 it falls short: a child that age still does not know what to do when a stranger writes to them. At 15 it becomes unenforceable and pushes things underground, to the second account and the borrowed phone. The American Academy of Pediatrics asks families to revisit the family media use plan because, in its words, plans should evolve as the child matures and develops. Saying it out loud helps: by 16 or 17 there should be almost no rules left, because they would no longer be needed. That way each stage adds permissions instead of opening a fight.
At night the phone charges in a shared space — the kitchen, the living room — and does not go into the bedroom. At this age the rule is not even up for debate, which is why it is worth putting in place now: it costs more to impose at 14 than to sustain from 9. You are the one who installs the apps, on a supervised child account: games and school apps yes, social media no, and the reason is not yours but the platforms' own. There is one password and you both know it. As for group chats, only the family one; if the school uses a class group, have it reach your phone. The independence at this stage is small and concrete: they choose the wallpaper and use the phone in shared areas.
This is the first-phone-of-their-own stage for many families. Common Sense Media puts the average near age 11 and at the same time notes that there is no single answer and that several specialists suggest waiting until 13 or later for emotional maturity: the reference guides differ, and knowing that is worth more than pretending there is a consensus. The phone still sleeps outside the bedroom. Apps move to an agreed list: your child asks, you look at it together, and it gets installed or not. Social media not yet, because their terms set 13 as the floor — and in some countries the minimum age they require is higher — so it is not a whim of yours. With the password the nuance changes: you have it, and you both agree that having access is not the same as reading everything. And with the class group chats there is one rule: if something makes you uncomfortable you show it to me, and showing it is never punished.
Your child now reaches the minimum age most social networks ask for, so the work moves from prohibiting to configuring: a private account, who can message them, who sees what they post. With the password the change is fundamental. You stop looking out of routine and move to an agreement: there is access, it is used only for a specific reason and, if it is used, your child finds out. UNICEF takes that line for adolescence: agreements built through dialogue rather than prohibitions. You can see the practical reason at home: a flat ban moves the activity to where you cannot see it. In the group chats the repertoire is already theirs: block, report, save a screenshot. And the rule of always still stands: the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends turning screens off at least an hour before bed and charging devices outside the bedroom.
First: the phone does not sleep in the bedroom, the one that pays off most at any age. Second: no intimate photo, their own or forwarded, with anyone. Third: telling you is never punished; if your child works out that speaking up will cost them the phone, they do not speak up, and you lose exactly what you need to know. Fourth: the phone is an agreement and it can be paused. That binds you too: if the table is a screen-free zone, it is for everyone, and rules the adult does not follow collapse on their own.
One sheet of paper is enough. Common Sense Media recommends a family phone agreement and publishes templates to adapt it to each household. Set a review date — the birthday, the start of the school year, which is one of the moments the American Academy of Pediatrics suggests for going over the plan — and have each side give something up, however small. When a rule gets broken, the consequence should be proportionate, announced in advance and with an end date. Taking the phone away indefinitely over anything at all disables the most valuable rule, the one about telling you without fear. And when the reason for a rule disappears, take it off the paper: a rule nobody enforces any more erodes the ones that remain.
The 13-year floor comes from COPPA, the US law that requires parental consent to collect data from children under that age; many platforms adopted it as their minimum, and some countries require a higher one. It helps to know that it is a legal threshold and not a sign of maturity: Common Sense Media notes that several specialists suggest waiting until 13 or later for emotional maturity. And an account opened with a false date of birth is registered as an adult's, so the service itself stops treating it as a minor's account.
There is no single time that works for every family, and a verifiable rule is more useful than a clock time: the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends turning screens off at least an hour before bed and charging devices outside the bedroom.
Having it and using it are different things, and at 14 the difference matters. The reasonable approach is to keep access and agree that you only use it for a specific reason and that they will know when you do. Reading the chats every day at that age tends to end in a second account you do not know about.
At 10 they are still below the age to register on their own, so the usual solution is for the class group to be on your phone. WhatsApp has also enabled accounts managed by a mother or a father for younger children, where the adult decides who can contact them and which groups they join; that route has its own guide on this site. When your child handles their own account, agree on three things: you can leave a group, you do not forward what arrives from strangers, and anything uncomfortable gets shown with no consequences.
For a good part of them, no. Google Family Link is free to set up and on Android it lets you decide which apps your child can download, check the device's location and set daily usage limits and a bedtime, which is almost everything the 8-to-12 stages rest on. And the most effective rule in this guide needs no software, just a charger in the kitchen.
This guide gathers digital parenting recommendations from public bodies and specialist organizations; it is not medical or psychological advice and it has not been reviewed by a health professional. The reference guides do not agree on everything, and none of them replaces what you know about your child. If you notice anxiety, withdrawal or a marked change in behavior tied to the phone, talk to their pediatrician.
Related guides: What age for a first phone? · Recommended screen time · Talking to your child about parental controls · WhatsApp managed accounts · Parental controls on Android