No single sign proves anything; several together, and new, do call for action. In their behavior: they withdraw, their mood changes after going online, their grades drop, they avoid talking about what they do online. On the phone: contacts they cannot explain, gifts, phone credit top-ups or game credits with no clear origin, deleted conversations, late-night activity, new passwords, a jolt at every notification. If you see several, talk to them without blaming them, do not delete anything, do not confront the abuser and report it: in Argentina and Spain grooming is a crime even if a meeting never happens.
This guide is for one thing only: noticing in time. Grooming and cyberbullying almost never announce themselves; from the outside you see small changes in your child and in how they use the phone, and rarely just one. Here you will find what each problem is, which signs to watch for in their behavior and in their accounts, how they change with age, what to do if you see several and which mistakes make it worse. If something concrete has already happened, the guide on inappropriate content has the step by step for the first hours and for reporting it.
Grooming is the process by which someone, almost always an adult although the law punishes anyone who does it, gains a minor's trust in order to lead them into a situation of sexual abuse. INCIBE, Spain's public cybersecurity agency, describes it as adults who pose as minors online, or who seek a contact that opens the way to a relationship of trust, then move on to emotional control and finally to blackmail for sexual purposes. The stages repeat: contact on a social network, a game with chat or an online community, from a profile with an age and interests similar to your child's; trust, sometimes with physical or virtual gifts; a proposal to continue in private, by messaging or video call, and a request to keep it a secret; conversations that escalate until an image is obtained; and blackmail with that material to demand more images or a meeting. INCIBE also warns that the abuser may be someone your child knows in person.
What is punished is the contact with that intent, not only the abuse that may follow. In Argentina, article 131 of the Penal Code, added by Law 26.904, punishes with six months to four years in prison anyone who, through electronic communications or any data transmission technology, contacts a minor with the purpose of committing a crime against their sexual integrity. In Spain, article 183 of the Penal Code, in the wording in force since October 2022 under Organic Law 10/2022, punishes anyone who, via the internet or telephone, contacts a child under sixteen and proposes a meeting for sexual purposes, with material acts toward that approach, and also anyone who contacts them in order to deceive them into providing sexual material, with no meeting required at all. In Colombia, article 219A of the Penal Code, in the wording given to it by Law 1329 of 2009, punishes with ten to fourteen years in prison anyone who uses or facilitates traditional mail, global information networks or any other means of communication in order to obtain sexual contact with a child under eighteen, and increases that penalty by up to half when the victim is under fourteen. In Mexico, contact for sexual purposes is also prosecuted, under its own criminal offenses that this guide does not detail; the reporting lines further down give guidance on how to present the case.
UNICEF defines cyberbullying as bullying or intimidation through digital technologies, on social media, messaging platforms, games and mobile phones: spreading lies, posting embarrassing photos or videos, sending hurtful or threatening messages. In Colombia it also has a legal definition: Law 1620 of 2013 describes school cyberbullying as a form of intimidation with deliberate use of information technologies to inflict continued psychological mistreatment, and school bullying as repeated conduct by one or more peers who hold an asymmetric relationship of power. The difference from grooming changes the response. In cyberbullying the person doing it is usually another minor and the harm is humiliation and exclusion; in grooming it is almost always an adult and the aim is sexual. From the outside the signs look alike. To tell a bad joke from bullying, UNICEF offers a simple test: if it continues after your child has asked the person to stop and they still feel bad, it is bullying.
None of these signs is a diagnosis and several have innocent explanations; what counts is that they appear together and are new. UNICEF Spain lists sudden changes in behavior: social withdrawal and loss of interest in usual activities, extreme mood swings with no apparent reason and poor school performance. Add secretiveness: reluctance to talk about what they do online, switching screens when an adult comes near, and sexual conversations or vocabulary that do not fit their age. INCIBE describes the same picture from the consequences, anxiety, loss of concentration in class, loss of friendships, disinterest in their favorite activities, and explains why it is so hard to see: victims tend to keep quiet about what is happening out of shame or guilt, and some believe the relationship with the abuser is real. In cyberbullying, UNICEF points to physical effects: they lose sleep, their head or stomach hurts, they miss school.
These signs are more concrete and many can be seen without reading a single conversation. New friends the family does not know, especially if they are older or if your child avoids giving details. Gifts they cannot explain: UNICEF Spain mentions new devices, money, gift cards or video game credits, and INCIBE cites phone credit and credits for their favorite game. Changes in the privacy of the device: passwords they stopped sharing, deleted history and messages, messaging apps you did not know about or a second account on a network they already used. Constant use, late into the night. And one that INCIBE describes as part of the method: someone proposing to move the conversation to another app or to a video call. In plain sight: they jump at notifications, cover the screen, take the phone to the bathroom. None of them is proof of anything; three or four together within a few weeks are reason enough to sit down and talk.
The stages that follow organize the conversation and do not come from any official body: the risk moves around with age. Between 8 and 10 the contact usually comes through games with chat: a player who gives away credits, who asks to talk on another app or who asks whether they are alone. At that age what pays off most is that they tell you when someone writes to them. Between 11 and 12 the first phone arrives and with it the class group chats: it is the age of cyberbullying between classmates, of the photo that gets passed around and of accounts opened below the platforms' minimum age, with no privacy settings configured. Between 13 and 17 the terrain is social media and direct messaging; grooming disguises itself as a relationship and sextortion, the threat to share an image of them, is the risk they keep quietest about. INCIBE sums up the principle: access to the internet should be progressive and backed by an adult, with parental controls for the youngest.
Four steps, in this order. First, talk to them without blaming them: INCIBE asks you not to doubt or question their words and to reaffirm your unconditional support. Second, save the evidence before touching anything. Third, do not delete, do not contact the abuser and do not give in to blackmail: INCIBE warns that deleting content or writing to them can make the problem worse. Fourth, report it. As a quick reference: in Argentina, lines 102 and 137 offer guidance and the complaint goes to the prosecutor's office; in Colombia, the ICBF's Line 141, free and open 24 hours; in Mexico, the FGR's CEDAC at 800 00 85 400 and 088, 24 hours a day; in Spain, INCIBE's 017 helpline, free and confidential, from 8 a.m. to 11 p.m. Exactly what to save, why it is best not to block or report the profile before filing a complaint, and the Te Protejo lines are, step by step, in the guide on inappropriate content.
Three reactions make things worse. Taking the phone away as punishment: they learn that speaking up costs them dearly and next time they stay quiet; UNICEF Spain insists on an environment where they can talk about what they do online without fear of being judged or punished. Going through the phone without telling them and confronting them with what you read: they learn to delete and to use another account. And promising them that nothing will happen or that you will not tell anyone: if there is a crime you are going to report it, and it is better that they know. On supervision: a parental supervision app for Android like CatWatchful, installed with your child's knowledge, shows contacts you do not recognize, who they talk to by calls, SMS and social media and, on the Gold and Platinum plans, on WhatsApp too and what time they use each app; it does not interpret intentions and it does not replace the conversation. And for a 10-year-old who uses WhatsApp and games, WhatsApp's managed accounts, where they are already available, and Google Family Link, at no charge and each with its own guide on this site, are usually enough: they decide who can write to them and what gets installed.
Yes, at least in Argentina and Spain, where the crime is the contact with that intent. Article 131 of Argentina's Penal Code punishes anyone who contacts a minor by electronic means with the purpose of committing a crime against their sexual integrity. Article 183 of Spain's Penal Code punishes proposing a sexual meeting to a child under sixteen and also deceiving them in order to obtain sexual material, without the meeting having to take place.
Treat them as what they are: the victim. INCIBE is clear that asking a minor for sexual images is in itself abuse, even if they sent them in an apparently voluntary way, because they were manipulated; Argentina's official guide treats grooming as sexual abuse against children and adolescents. Do not forward the image to anyone, not even to ask for advice: what gets reported is the profile and the conversation. File a complaint and, if in doubt, consult a lawyer in your country.
It depends on who the abuser is. If there is an adult asking for photos or making threats, save the evidence and file a complaint with the prosecutor's office or the police; INCIBE reminds us that it is a complex crime and that other minors may be affected by the same abuser. Reporting the adult's profile can wait until the complaint is filed; if images of your child are circulating, those are reported immediately to the platform or to Te Protejo, as the guide on inappropriate content explains. If it is cyberbullying between classmates, UNICEF recommends gathering evidence, blocking and reporting to the platform, and it is worth bringing in the school.
Save the screenshots before touching anything; after that it depends on the case. If it is grooming, Argentina's official guide asks you not to block, confront or report the profile before filing a complaint, because evidence gets lost. If it is cyberbullying between peers, UNICEF suggests blocking the bully and reporting to the platform. If you do not know which of the two it is, call your country's line before blocking; the guide on inappropriate content explains the reason for each path.
With questions, not warnings. Ask them what they play, who they talk to and whether anyone has ever asked them for something that made them uncomfortable, and listen calmly. INCIBE recommends talking naturally about love and sexuality so they can tell healthy relationships from those that are not, and explaining how grooming happens so they know how to recognize it. Leave one clear rule: if someone proposes meeting up or asks for a photo, you tell me, and telling me is never punished.
Before the first device with chat, and according to what they can understand. INCIBE proposes progressive access to the internet with adult backing; UNICEF Spain proposes teaching critical thinking toward friend requests from strangers. As guideline ages: at 8 it is enough for them to know that not everyone who says they are their age really is; at 12, that no intimate photo gets sent to anyone; at 15, what to do if someone threatens to share an image.
This guide gathers definitions and recommendations from public bodies and child protection organizations and cites the law of Argentina and Spain as of the review date; it is not psychological or legal advice and it has not been reviewed by a health professional or a lawyer. The signs described are not a diagnosis: if you see sustained distress, changes in sleep or appetite, or behavior that does not fit their age, consult their pediatrician or a mental health professional. If there are indications of a crime, report it; if your child is in immediate danger, call your country's emergency number. Always confirm the contact details on the official site before acting.
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